"the time for benefit of the doubt has passed"

Dr. Phil said,
"the time for benefit of the doubt has passed"

My reflection said,
I wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt.
To give them the opportunity to be the best man,
the highest character that they could be.
But they are frustrated when adopting new behaviors to them.

But you cannot separate the man from the situation. For it was he who designed it himself. Not to say that outward forces are not a strong sway, but if he married her, she was wonderful at one time and not quite vetted. So how he speaks of her better include his accountability and kindness for the mother of the children or he is not a keeper.

If the anger is apparent and his words are clearly a pattern from another looped argument in a past relationship, then he is not resolved.
The relationship to the new woman will be one filled with narcissistic tendencies and disappointments.

But the time for trusting mankind is over.
Most men have dropped into survival mode and behave like feral animals.
Anger comes easily to them while joy seems to them disingenuous.

Laughter feels phony and chills come from smiles when passing strangers on the streets.
What have you all done to the world we were building?
No prejudice, no borders, no enemies.

Just friends and music in the garden at sunset by the shore.

change

A spoiled woman goes into a yoga class and while everyone else is coming out peaceful and happy,
she comes out crying and distraught~

Her friend that brought her there asks, "What is wrong?"

"I always thought i was caring about others, but I'm not sure about that now.
what have i believed in the past? what did i say when i thought the old way?
I can't see things the same way anymore.
I can't ignore what is right in front of me.
How does anyone ignore what is happening in this world?
I believed in the authority and business ethics and integrity.
I thought we were all striving for the same goal... to continue to become a better person.
That is what brought honor.
but now .....
we need to do something!
People need to change!"

the abilities... respons ability, reason ability, account ability

The Abilities...   respons ability, reason ability, account ability

have a reason for your response ~ not just your thoughtless impulse.
reasonable and responsible

an un-pleasable  companion  is truly un-plausable  for happiness


drive your own mood instead of pinging off of others'

Political Conventions

Its the hostility that bothers me the most ~
the need to assign blame to someone for the problems of our people
instead of realizing we need to chill the egos
and get to Solving the problems ~
it's infuriating to see these grown adults ~ some grampa age ~
 spewing their rhetoric as if its gosspil ~
when my eyes watched clearly, in my horror,  the absolute opposite happen.
The Men thought it ok when deregulated, to lie, cheat and steal.
They lowered the standard to disgracefulness
 from that great WW2 generation that demonstrated
 Honor, Integrity, Business Ethics, and Good Sportsmanship

Tell me you want to do!  NOT what you think is wrong with the other guy!
Obama, Romney, Bush,Wall Street, Banks, Government, War, Democrat, Republican, Species, Breeds, Cultures, Castes, Thieves,~~

The money left, when the men lost their balls.
And then their minds.
They reacted in absolute fear after 911
and scrambled in survival mode ~
ruthlessly pillaging their own neighborhood
and robbing their own grandmas.

Modern psychology and basic common sense maturity tells us ~
that if people are ready to kill themselves to make a point
Perhaps they may need a little help.
Instead of bombing them , introduce plumbing.
A shower, a meal and a lay
and they will no longer desire suicide.
You know language, now use it ~
When you are distressed you go to a shrink and he listens and you figure things out ~
well apply that knowledge to countries and peoples in bad situations.
Help them work through the problems instead of showing them your anger.

But the arrogance of our country these days is pathetic ~
Where is the compassion and human empathy?
How are you forgetting the fact that we share an entire planet
with other creatures!
Talk about entitlement!
You are not above me
you are not below me
you exist in the same era as I

and your irrational verbiage is hurtful and useless
grow up everyone ~ roll up your sleeves, get the coffee on
and let's figure out a system that actually makes sense for everyone!
I'm not saying it's easy ~ I'm telling you it's inevitable to do so or die ~
The dirt will be here with its radiation and all long after humanity ~

So try to start caring while we are still here.

Happiness

Happiness is not a state that we arrive at in permanence.
It is a state of mind that sometimes comes easily
and sometimes it is a choice to be made and focused on.

The stresses of everyday, effect our human brains and push us off balance
 if we allow it.

When we hear what someone else said that makes us mad or a stray ball hits us on a playground or we have a problem come up that we don't know the answer to right away ~ these things can frustrate us and take us out of a good balanced mood. But we don't have to let that happen.

Yes ~ things will shock and jolt you and your 'inner brain' will respond naturally~~ but we can stop it there before it grows into the 'outer brain' and comes out of you in some action or words that you regret later.

If you are strong and as self disciplined as an athlete ~
 you can feel the hurt/anger/fear and stop it in its tracks!
All with breath control and preparation.

The trick is learning how to stop the outside forces from effecting your mood as soon as possible.
And there are many different methods to do this.

True Respect

Let me preface what I am going to say , by telling you that this comes from observations over the years ~ looking for patterns and being able to predict pretty closely a chain of events from one single decision ~ one single, little choice ~ can cause a predictable set of events ~
An old Polynesian proverb goes,"Energy flows where attention goes."

So... instead of putting our energy into curing poverty, bringing harmony to the people, and revamping the system to include everyone,
we engage in disharmony and competition.
Ruthless liars prevail and people don't care.

Society is so upside down now ~
 fame at any cost is now not only acceptable, but encouraged.
and i suppose manipulating people to behave in a way that brings predictable trouble is funny and amusing to the home viewer, but i find it so disrespectful to our culture of humanity.
Torturing teenagers, getting lonely housewives drunk and setting them up with adolescent gossip, violent kid games where a car and hooker are the end prize.... OMG ~ what the fuck are you producers thinking!?
This is your legacy?
This is what you want to leave behind in your name for humanity?
This is how you want your children to be?
Or don't you care at all?
Do you want them to just shut up and leave you alone in your pressure?
Do you want people to fear and hate each other and act out in aggression in 2 tons of metal barreling down the road with their mood on fire!?
Stop it you idiots!

 Competitive sports use to include sportsmanship and dignity which created the respect these ruthless players desire.
But I have never believed that fear and respect were the same thing.
Just because you are bully enough to have people obey you, doesn't mean that they would choose that on their own accord.
 And being a choice of someone to listen to and gain advice from is the true sign of respect.

talking behind your back

when people are talking behind your back they are merely collaborating the observed behavior with their own perspective.
it is not some vicious affront ~ it is trying to get an understanding.
It is a diagnosis of the minds when there is 'gossip'
one should not be offended, for one is found interesting enough to discuss.
It would seem that those of us gossiped about are usually the braver ones of the bunch and branch off from our origins exploring the world.
 So to react in anger at gossip is to deny your own appeal.

love is self generated ~

love is self generated whether sparked by someone you adore or ignited by the thoughtful purr of a kitten or the awe projected by a sunset ~ you are loved because you love ~ ♥

I generate love

I am sitting alone in my apartment, combing through the 'favorite' stations when i pull up to a movie showing me driving in a car on a mountain canyon with Tom Petty blaring and bouncing off of the sunshine. 

A huge smile comes to my face as i fill up with the feeling of love love love!

 and then i realize ~i always have a man to make me smile with one play of a song. 

 With music as my tool,

I generate love 

seething women (mob wives)

I listen to what these women say.
I watch what they do.
They react instead of respond.

They talk about how they glare and seethe
 rather than try to change things with words and calm discussion.

And other women hop on board and embody the anger of other women
instead of speaking up and speaking solutions.

Are they trained poorly or are they stupid?
I think they are perfectly cabable if they would only choose to be copabale.
But they all want to play the victim,
the damsel in distress ~

he / she spoke to me this way ~ no one speaks to me this way!
save me love me tell me im beautiful waaa waa waaaa

shut up babies
take care of yourself enough to care about thers
erather than always trying to get yours at all costs
ruthlessly
tell me
do you think you look lovely
as you're screaming
and whining
and fighting

where is your instinct
where is your dignity and class
where did your heart get lost
find it somewhere amongst your tact

talk to me I'm listening now
tell me how you want the world to be
do you even know what you love anymore
can you recognize the future enthusiastically

respin re-spin
let the new in
let a new path begin
reveal allow now

watching Trading Places on a rainy sunday

Trading Places is one of those movies from childhood
that helped shape my view on the world.

I grew up in the time of bussing ~
all the kids from the rough neighborhoods came to us in the upscale world of the valley suburbs where everyone got a car at 16 and went party hopping from one vacationing parents' home to the next.  It was a blast!
And despite the original fears of the past ~ we all got beyond the stereotyping and acclimated to one another swimmingly!

Cut to 2012 ~ where now we have a sophisticated black man as President of USA and the white men that perform as so superior in their stolen wealth behave like barbarians.

Instead of the world opening up and becoming sophisticated ~we turn the channel every night before bed and have choices between fighting or killing. Romance is dwindling and kindness is too boring to watch.
The world has gone simply mad ~ they celebrate criminals and ego.

As i watch Eddie Murphy, Dan Akyroid and John Landis tell a brilliant tale ~ i wonder what the fuck happened to my fellow believers.

Give a human what they need and treat them well and they will become their most genius that they can be.

Why do we not have a country of this!?

outside of the tunnel and above the fog

yay~ feeling like i am clear and balanced
understanding and un-needy

ready to press on forward into a bright future ~
:)

The Isle of lost women

my soul gained density through my travels.
observation after observation ~
allowing all behaviors to go un checked and unjudged ~ just to watch what it was that they wanted to do ~ when left to their own devices...
it was funny to me how they were always thinking they were getting away with something and then being shocked when i brought it up in casual conversation completely objectively with no emotion attached to it. As an aquarian , i am an expert at detachment.
 although this lesson was hard to come by ~
i could see how tricky they thought they were being and proud of it
One day a man said to me " I told them the biggest lie, hee hee and they believed me! what idiots ! hee hee ~ then I asked , "why wouldn't you expect people to believe you? why are you proud of being too scared to say your truth?" When i speak ~ I know my word is gold and they will of course believe me!" .. he dumb-foundedly replied, " I never thought of it that way."
men are maps ... maps of an area of life ~
their values, humor, perspective, occupation, upbringing ~
all a layout of a life and a course of operation in the world.
they tell you right away where the trail leads
and they do it with the enchantment of fantasy and fortune ~
and if they are the type that will not have piece of mind and self control enough to observe and negotiate win win solutions to life's problems ~
laughter will be rare.

Lovelings

She was out of control ~ her whisper across the phone waves revealed her fear of the men that bullied her throughout her life.
 Every phone call or email , another insult and character assassination.
Not one sign of empathy and kindness. Not one bit of understanding. How can someone live for 70 years and not learn how to see through another's eyes?  How self absorbed and in the mirror does one have to be to ignore the lessons of time and situation?
 Her father, grandfather, husband after husband after boyfriend, firing off the same promises, the same demands ~
and one foot into asking for her needs to met,
is the very moment
when those promises are broken and the curtain drawn on a very lovely lie.

 The heartbreak is unbearable and causes one to want to run.
But where is a safe place to call home with rooms filled with acceptance and love ?
Where is the un-drunken laughter? where is the pride in being a man of his word and having the ability to function as the leader of a pack?
where is the model of understanding and wisdom with regards to all?
has the world become so short sighted as to prove DEVO right .. that we are de-evolving?
 Why are we not as a society building men with honor and mediation skills?
Why are we having woman think it is famously fabulous to be called a bitch and to act with disregard for everyone else?
  Has the beauty within been absorbed by the anger and the botox? or just the brain cells depleting , turing girls into lovely. mean crocodiles?
Where is the happiness?

 I repeat to my pained friend again and again ~ what they say is not true ~ they are not in their right minds ~ stop believing the bullies ~ they are sick ~ the negative spewing from their well groomed mouths is toxic waste coming from their own angers and deceptions done upon them in earlier years.

 Know thyself well enough to know that the truth is
we are born kind, Lovelings
and relationships bring situations
and when defeated
only love will bring our strength back ~ only love will bring our strength back only love will bring our strength back.

and that love
can come from another, but don't rely on that
its too much pressure on the other heart

you must find that love
in your own thoughts
train your own thoughts
find it in a sunset or a blue sky
a mountain or the lake
everywhere you look outside there is something you can take in
and love
generate the love from your own thoughts and views and perspectives
from a cookie or a cold glass of milk
a character in a book or a song on the radio
look around
its everywhere when you tune it in
be a conduit for the love
you are a Loveling
quiet for a moment
hear the birds in the blooming trees
notice the scent in the air and the squirrel on the ledge

i love that color she is wearing or the grass in the park next door
i love that joke he said last week that still makes me laugh
comedy is on the tv and chills me out right away
then i can go back to thinking straight after the bullies power is disintegrated.
back to balance in the love i generated
as a Loveling

the acquiring of happiness

Acquiring happiness requires the knowledge of these few things...

1) happiness is not a destination that once you land there you are there forever. It is more like a warm pool of water in which the balance of PH and levels must be monitored and tended too with the right tools.

2) The tools consist of acknowledging, defining, diagnosing, music, meditation, food and liquids, movement and grace.

3) Learning and Practicing is like driving in your car ~ once you get the hang of it ~ it will take you where you want to go ~

These exercises are created for everyone to learn the tool of happiness and to live in that state of mind as much as possible ~
I hope you enjoy the acquisition...

Self Contained

I was told that one should grow up to be self contained.
To lay all of your needs onto another was unstable.
To rely on someone completely was to be rendered incompetent.
The helpless woman was a lazy facade.
The truth was well served when was to rely on yourself.
Trust your intuition and have confidence.
 So I kind of became a lone wolf. A Flutterby.
I met wonderful men, but none i could bounce off of equally.  I knew I had to choose to be alone with what I knew and observed, but self, I doubted.
Then, I see my beautiful friends left by their husbands to deal with the rearing and financing fo the kids all alone.
I see the resentment of the men to women for having so much free time,  whilst they toil at work.
I see the judgement of the job of motherhood held second to the making of money.
I have tried on many wonderful men ~
but I had to become self contained.

My own 2 feet, money,career, respect
my own mood,  thoughts on the subject,
eyes,  mind,  spirit,  music , dance, joy

whole and self contained

lonely valentines day or calm before the storm?

I had such a grand vision that included everyone. A forum filled with colorful people from various places all tuning into the rhythm of the drums. A glowing light in the center of the stage that all surround ~ Video of a sunset , everyone with glow shakers to participate with ~ all dancing wild and free. Love fills the air as the DJ joins in with the band as the music lifts everyone to new dimensions.

on Whitney Huston's death...

One of our most celebrated, beautiful woman in the world, was so in need of escape from the pressure, that she lost sight of her own body, and consumed so many drugs that she accidentally killed herself.

What a testament to how women are viewed and treated in our society today.
  The build them up to knock them down mentality....  instead of appreciating their gifts and learning from them!
  The, ' woman are worth less after a man is done wanting to fuck them' attitude...
instead of appreciating the love shared and honoring it with respect,
 upon exit.
 The cut throat competitiveness of society.... that has taken over team play, sportsmanship and empathy has got to be kept in check!

I DO believe the children are our future....
Teach them WELL and Let them lead the way...
 Beauty is inside, pride trumps envy, and
making it easier, IS the right thing to do,
 for everyone...

Whitney's death should be a wake up call
to all of those asleep
 society is out of balance and needs to become kinder, more loving, and helpful to those in pain ~

Produce music and shows and movies that do not promote meanness towards one another as 'cool' ~  it's not.
Being 'Real' can be expressed with thoughtfully chosen words,
tact and class.
Remove your eye masks and see the sunshine at last...
 see beneath the surface of your own skin and into the souls of others.
get out from in front of the mirror and start seeing the horizon lines
accept yourself and accept each other
celebrate our differences instead of trying to shove into a box of a varied shape.

We are all on a beautiful blue rock, rotating in space, for a mere 100 years,
let us teach those children well and create a much better future.

all girls are Goddesses of Love

All girls are Goddesses of love.
Deep down inside, I believe, that all girls, all of us , are born to seek, nurture and grow life. And life flourishes when seeped in the energy of love.

 Her nature, at its most secure, happy and best form is one that radiates bliss.
The architecture of a woman is to welcome others into her arms warmly, and caress with her kindness, the pain away, after being out in the harsh world of predators.  She is designed to welcome the crying child into her helpful hands, sooth the sadness, and warm them back up with her big heart.
She wants to love and she needs to be loved. She needs to be lifted when she is drained and tired from healing others. She requires the tenderness of a flower with her delicate petals and her thirst to bloom. When loved and cared for properly, a woman is light and life and a source of strength for everyone around her.
 Yes it true that some of us have layers of anger hiding that truth.
But at the bottum line, at birth, we all are Goddesses of Love.

 Through my adult eyes I see how the natural compassion and empathy innate to our nature has been derailed and altered.  These lovely girls morph into cruel women who treat one another with over reactions to small offenses.
They lie and plot unhealthy deeds to undermine each other instead of working with each other toward the goal of a healthy future society.
The humor of a happy little girl giggling at the world has been suffocated. Innocence has been stomped on by misogyny, arrogance and narcissism.
 Young women are seduced, married, emotionally abandoned, and then forced to fend for themselves and their children alone.
  Time and time again, i see the same story ~ the victim is blamed and personal responsibility is deflected.
Blaming others for their own behavior. Not recognizing that responses can be controlled and maintained. Moods must be managed.
And now women's reaction to social change in values is to behave in desperate fashion.
Their natural understanding and nurturing has become a luxury.

 I think this all began when the disconnection of our Authority figures began after WW2.  People stopped taking accountability for their behaviors, refuse to learn to communicate and walk the planet as if they had no connection to anything, the pursuit of Happiness has sadly dissolved.
 Kindness and generosity is scoffed at ~ gentleness made fun of~ power has corrupted and out proportioned rational discussion and truth.

 So many women pretend that everything is all well and good, when it is really not. Living an inauthentic life has made them deeply insecure and obscured them from  their own instincts and intuitions. Anorexia, botox, plastics are just a few ways that women are expressing coping mechanisms to the unbalanced distribution of wealth in our male dominated economy.

Each woman has their own situation. Hopefully they will learning to balance and thrive by generating love in their lives on their own terms.

wide ears open

Hippies said, come on in ~ pick up a drum or any instrument and play it ~ I said, I don't really play an instrument ~ although it is a dream ~ well then, they said, take your choice and just get to know it ~ "but how?" i replied," by playing it ~ they call it play for a reason.  open your heart and your mind... allow what you feel to take over." so i listened  to the music with wide ears. Deep into the music. to each layer . the bass like the heartbeat setting the pace tuning me into rhythm of the drum , connecting my breath to sound and vibration.
 the guitar and keys making my limbs turn into wings and the sparkle of flute or strings make electricity escape through my fingertips.
  so much joy found in 3 small minutes, that lasts a lifetime

what is everybody drinking about? or what teens should know about sex, drugs and rock n roll...

I now have friends who have kids that are teens.I see the fear in their eyes as they drink down their first glass of white wine by 10AM.
We laugh about the things they want to do or have been caught already doing.  I have to snicker when they get adamant in their strictness for I remember us doing the same things at the very same age. But my friends are truly horrified by the idea of their teens exploring the world of sex, drugs and rock n roll.
I watch these teens struggle with understanding the basics of human relationships and their parents are petrified to tell them the truth. For if the truth were released, it would act as a flood gate of pandoric proportions.
 But, I, as an objective observer believe that arming them with knowledge is the best way to hand over the controls to them. You teach them how to drive before you give them the keys , why would you not teach them about dosage of alcohol and how not to get so sick that you are throwing up all night and disturbing your poor virgin liver. It just makes sense to me to tell them the truth.
Sex is wonderful!  but comes with consequential chemical attachments and 'after behavior'.
Things they should know and understand for mental health and balancing moods.
Understanding is the best tool and I aim to arm them honestly.


some topics include... why are they talking about me, what should I know about sex and love,
why doesn't it work out sometimes, what is everybody drinking about?

finding love on tv...

The ring in my ear is so dissonant when I hear these single women on TV , time and time again, telling us in mustered confident tones with a subtext of 'right???' " i am going to take control and find love in my life.
A man that will love me forever~ for the rest of my life........ ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

love is not a controlled substance.
it is a chemistry ~ a stumbling upon a random match.

The control comes afterwards ...as a conscious choice of mind set and attitude.
Character to stay honest and work through difficulties with strategy.
True integrity because it makes one feel strong.


It looks so silly to me.
Why must i find a man to coax into staying with me for ever and ever and ever just because i say so with gusto!

Ridiculous!

I am better on my own then following some guy making idiotic choices in his life.
All i look for in a man now is Accountability.

Funny how my last several relationships included man that did not hold themselves accountable.
the poor victims of evil women and wanting children. awwwwww   ~ pllththththh   ~ i pft with my tongue.

I am so tired of excuses.

Just own your behavior, stop acting like a moran and take somepride in the world you wish to create for gods sake!

I am everything i need to be ~or i am working in that direction towards it ~ if a man wants to join me with the right attitude ~ fantastic, otherwise I am fine alone,
fine on my own
feeling very free