Dear Karen, I am not married because...

Dear Karen, I am not married because...

The answer to the question, posed by Karen Alchorn to me on the day of Erica Crystal Patterson's funeral, still rings in my head years later.

I remember being surrounded by a large group of women i barely knew or hadn't seen for years and having had a week of sadness whilst working on the video of her photographs for the service.
I was hit with the question at my most vulnerable state of being. What a bitch.
I want to believe her intentions innocent, but I can't help but wonder...

But it really is a legitimate question if without malice ~
so the inventory of my mind and choices is examined.

I can honestly say, that I have been with some exquisite men, but none that I could have married.
I require a level of honest communication and mood accountability that is very hard to find. But without these things i believe a marriage would fail .

So, I act out not, on desperation,
but on faith in myself on my own.

He liquified me ...

Music was the best lover I ever had ~
it would instantly integrate me, ignite me, charge me up like a switch clicking ON .

It would lull me, mellow me and seduce me into calm like a warm blanket wrapped around my shoulders on a dark, snowy night by the fire.

Music is magic. Any mood I want to be in, any mood I want to be out of, music is the tool of change.

And then I met him....  the musician, the poet, the maker of the music, the ultimate power tool of love.

He liquified me .....

his rhythm is a symphony ~

Everyone has a rhythm

one boy's a rock song
the other a symphony

she is more like a ballad
her sadness needs sympathy

don't interrupt in the middle
listen the whole way through
it will surely diminish your judgments
allow your mercy to shine through you

the Lion, the Queen and the Art Gallery

I could smell his scent of sage and musk waft by as he opened the door for me, upon our arrival at the Art Gallery in Beverly Hills.
I didn't know that he knew about manners and upscale behaviors, so i was happily surprised that I could take him with me and he would acclimate.

We slowly circled the room attached by a magnetic field that I am certain was spotted by the conservative guests around us.
He sat me down on a leather armchair in the center of the room ,
bent to his knee, took my hand gently and nobly in his,
"ah dear lady, this chair is suited for a Queen, and you are quite suited for me."
and then he licked my bejeweled hand from tip of finger to wrist, like a big lion.

film idea~ 'Young Maude'

As we all know, Maude, from Harold and Maude, was an aquarian through and through.

This is the story of Maude as a young woman and how she got her spirit !

Diamonds are not everybody's best friend.

Diamond minors slaughtered by the hundreds, to take over shafts of Blood diamonds, to launder through other places, and fund fascist dictatorships ~ 
all on the backs of American Brides and their fantastical belief that a diamond's size represents their own self worth! 


"we must finally become responsible consumers. It is time we awaken to the reality that what we buy and where it comes from is inherently political. We must call on companies to become transparent and call out those who don't. We need to make sure that the diamond we buy to express our love is not destroying the life of someone we will never know."   Ed Zwick 

pretty winter skies

pretty winter skies
pink blends into orange into blue
right before my very eyes
the coolest wind has groomed the trees
like fairy dust it blows about the leaves
fresh scent
deep breath
a calm retreat
pretty pretty winter skies

the invisible work

When a man is at work ~
he sees it ~
he sees the results
they are tangible in a paycheck.

When a mother is at work
the view reveals its self at a much slower rate
the growth is subtle and requires patience
there is no material reward other then
healthy loving children
which is the most treasured possession one can own

so to have respect
for the caretaker of those precious children
should be a given.

Their work is invisible
unless maturity has opened up your eyes

Native LA

Being a Native from LA
there are things that are innate here that make it a unique place to live.

People come here from all over the world.
Cultures don't collide here, they blend.

People usually come here from colder places and when they acclamate to the warmth, they tend to expand.
Fits the laws of physics really.

I think this is why marriages break up easier here than in other places.
The cold weather forces people to bond together for survival.
Body heat, snow plowing, building fires,  surviving the elements together strengthens the bond.
But in the warm weather,
you can venture out quite comfortably on your own.
Alone, I walked miles in radius, exploring my world, expanding my knowledge and territory with safe interaction.

The cold contracts and the heat expands.
In LA, one will notice that laws of physics show in the behavior of the people as well.
They expand their territory, their resources, their minds.

Hence, this single girl turns into a single woman, making her way on her own, the interaction becoming observation of patterns in human nature.

'I love people, they're my species.'